A tourist's guide to New Eden
Well, I'm back from the State finally. I don't want to talk about it, but suffice to say that it wasn't pleasant and I'm even less welcome in Caldari territory now than I ever have been. If anyone really wants to know the details, go ask my cousin. She's ranting and raving to anyone who'll listen.
My time away from the pod and having to deal with planetbound life again with only the holofeeds for outside information reminded me of exactly what kind of a place New Eden is. I was inspired to write a brief travel guide for any tourist who decides to visit. The easily offended should look away now.
I present:
A tourist's guide to New Eden
Welcome to the galaxy of New Eden, your home away from home amongst the stars courtesy of the EvE gate!
Life in New Eden is a vicious, decadent struggle for survival where people are expendable, money is everything and war is a constant state of being.
Gaze upon the remnants of the lost civilisations such as the Yan Jung and the Talocan, picked clean by swarms of exploiting hackers and archaeologists fighting with pirates over scraps of out-dated technology!
Sneak along to the EVE gate itself and watch the unstable distortions tear apart any hapless pilot foolish enough to get too close. Watch out for those pirates swarming the gates on the way, just waiting to get at the contents of your ship.
Marvel at the ancient Amarr Empire and their rigid doctrines! Glorious golden battleships crewed by thousands of subjugated slaves always one injection away from an agonising death in the name of their Masters' God under the ready-made excuse of 'enlightenment'. The Empire boasts a vast sprawling mass of systems held together by feuding Holder Houses and ruled over by a God Emperor: a living relic of a bygone age sporting hypocrisy and inhumanity never before dreamed of all in the name of religion. Other places to visit in the locale include their neighbours the Khanid Kingdom, home to the followers of Khanid also called the heretic dark Amarr, where anyone at all is a potential slave and traders wheel and deal for the largest profit margins! Don't forget to stop by the Ammatar Mandate for that authentic war-torn tin pot regime propped up by their pupptemasters in the Amarr Empire as they fight the Minmatar, once their very own brothers!
Enjoy the vast morass of cultures to be found in the behemoth of bureaucracy that is the Gallente Federation, where wild excess and debauchery are the order of the day as they spout idealisms and equality across all frequencies. In the Federation, you're never more than a few steps away from a brothel or a drug warehouse, where life is cheap and corruption runs rife! Observe closely how the Intaki people are left to fend for themselves against the hordes of pirates and other ne'er do wells as the government hides behind excuses of semi-autonomy. If the thought of possible police turns you off, there's always the neighbouring region of the Syndicate to visit, run by the more shrewd Intaki: all of the black market and pirates with none of those pesky CONCORD!
Peruse the various corporate opportunities that the Caldari State has to offer as megaconglomerates engage in open black ops warfare to bring you, the consumer, the very best deals at literally cut-throat prices. Look on in awe as its obsessive militarism pours money into the Navy at a terrifying rate. Local customs include selling family members for cold, hard ISK and that xenophobic charm never wears off. Whatever you do, don't annoy your employer: the unemployed are the 3rd largest food source! Warning to any Minmatar thinking of travelling to the State, you may be arrested under suspicion of being Terrorists.
View the shambolic Republic: remnants of the once-proud Minmatar people before the arrival of the Amarr decimated their tribes, shattered their civilisation and tore away everything they had achieved! Listen to the rabid rantings of impassioned warriors clinging on desperately to the remains of lost tribal traditions. Hear the tales of hundreds of disenfranchised Matari fleeing to the Federation to drown their sorrows in drugs and alcohol! Witness the infighting between the Republicans and the Freedom Fighters (known outside of Minmatar space as Terrorists) that further destabilise the fragile situation. Don't forget to take a moment to fly past the shipyards where rusty plating and old rope are turned into kamikaze spaceships for pilots who live only to die in glorious battle.
No trip to New Eden would be complete without a visit to the mysterious Jovian Empire where genetic engineering has gone mad and technology reigns supreme. Keep an eye over your shoulder because they might be there watching you, learning all about you, hidden in the shadows no matter where you go...
Finally, the megastars of the galaxy are the capsuleer pilots. Media darlings viewed in awe and jealousy by billions upon billions, where one word can spawn a planet-wide riot and a lazy combat order can resign tens of thousands of crew to the cold death of space. Endless clones and daily genocide have turned many of this creme de la creme into psychotic deranged dangers to society and New Eden loves them for it! No matter how many die, there's always more people queueing up to fly with them, just so they can say 'I was the 3rd assistant reloading technician on xxx's Rupture-class Cruiser': if they survive they'll live off that story for a month!
So come and visit New Eden today: it's an experience you'll never forget!
Perhaps the next issue will cover the wonderful worlds of the various pirate conglomerates.
My time away from the pod and having to deal with planetbound life again with only the holofeeds for outside information reminded me of exactly what kind of a place New Eden is. I was inspired to write a brief travel guide for any tourist who decides to visit. The easily offended should look away now.
I present:
A tourist's guide to New Eden
Welcome to the galaxy of New Eden, your home away from home amongst the stars courtesy of the EvE gate!
Life in New Eden is a vicious, decadent struggle for survival where people are expendable, money is everything and war is a constant state of being.
Gaze upon the remnants of the lost civilisations such as the Yan Jung and the Talocan, picked clean by swarms of exploiting hackers and archaeologists fighting with pirates over scraps of out-dated technology!
Sneak along to the EVE gate itself and watch the unstable distortions tear apart any hapless pilot foolish enough to get too close. Watch out for those pirates swarming the gates on the way, just waiting to get at the contents of your ship.
Marvel at the ancient Amarr Empire and their rigid doctrines! Glorious golden battleships crewed by thousands of subjugated slaves always one injection away from an agonising death in the name of their Masters' God under the ready-made excuse of 'enlightenment'. The Empire boasts a vast sprawling mass of systems held together by feuding Holder Houses and ruled over by a God Emperor: a living relic of a bygone age sporting hypocrisy and inhumanity never before dreamed of all in the name of religion. Other places to visit in the locale include their neighbours the Khanid Kingdom, home to the followers of Khanid also called the heretic dark Amarr, where anyone at all is a potential slave and traders wheel and deal for the largest profit margins! Don't forget to stop by the Ammatar Mandate for that authentic war-torn tin pot regime propped up by their pupptemasters in the Amarr Empire as they fight the Minmatar, once their very own brothers!
Enjoy the vast morass of cultures to be found in the behemoth of bureaucracy that is the Gallente Federation, where wild excess and debauchery are the order of the day as they spout idealisms and equality across all frequencies. In the Federation, you're never more than a few steps away from a brothel or a drug warehouse, where life is cheap and corruption runs rife! Observe closely how the Intaki people are left to fend for themselves against the hordes of pirates and other ne'er do wells as the government hides behind excuses of semi-autonomy. If the thought of possible police turns you off, there's always the neighbouring region of the Syndicate to visit, run by the more shrewd Intaki: all of the black market and pirates with none of those pesky CONCORD!
Peruse the various corporate opportunities that the Caldari State has to offer as megaconglomerates engage in open black ops warfare to bring you, the consumer, the very best deals at literally cut-throat prices. Look on in awe as its obsessive militarism pours money into the Navy at a terrifying rate. Local customs include selling family members for cold, hard ISK and that xenophobic charm never wears off. Whatever you do, don't annoy your employer: the unemployed are the 3rd largest food source! Warning to any Minmatar thinking of travelling to the State, you may be arrested under suspicion of being Terrorists.
View the shambolic Republic: remnants of the once-proud Minmatar people before the arrival of the Amarr decimated their tribes, shattered their civilisation and tore away everything they had achieved! Listen to the rabid rantings of impassioned warriors clinging on desperately to the remains of lost tribal traditions. Hear the tales of hundreds of disenfranchised Matari fleeing to the Federation to drown their sorrows in drugs and alcohol! Witness the infighting between the Republicans and the Freedom Fighters (known outside of Minmatar space as Terrorists) that further destabilise the fragile situation. Don't forget to take a moment to fly past the shipyards where rusty plating and old rope are turned into kamikaze spaceships for pilots who live only to die in glorious battle.
No trip to New Eden would be complete without a visit to the mysterious Jovian Empire where genetic engineering has gone mad and technology reigns supreme. Keep an eye over your shoulder because they might be there watching you, learning all about you, hidden in the shadows no matter where you go...
Finally, the megastars of the galaxy are the capsuleer pilots. Media darlings viewed in awe and jealousy by billions upon billions, where one word can spawn a planet-wide riot and a lazy combat order can resign tens of thousands of crew to the cold death of space. Endless clones and daily genocide have turned many of this creme de la creme into psychotic deranged dangers to society and New Eden loves them for it! No matter how many die, there's always more people queueing up to fly with them, just so they can say 'I was the 3rd assistant reloading technician on xxx's Rupture-class Cruiser': if they survive they'll live off that story for a month!
So come and visit New Eden today: it's an experience you'll never forget!
Perhaps the next issue will cover the wonderful worlds of the various pirate conglomerates.
posted by Ysolde Xen at 11:51
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