A tourist's guide to New Eden

Well, I'm back from the State finally. I don't want to talk about it, but suffice to say that it wasn't pleasant and I'm even less welcome in Caldari territory now than I ever have been. If anyone really wants to know the details, go ask my cousin. She's ranting and raving to anyone who'll listen.

My time away from the pod and having to deal with planetbound life again with only the holofeeds for outside information reminded me of exactly what kind of a place New Eden is. I was inspired to write a brief travel guide for any tourist who decides to visit. The easily offended should look away now.

I present:

A tourist's guide to New Eden


Welcome to the galaxy of New Eden, your home away from home amongst the stars courtesy of the EvE gate!

Life in New Eden is a vicious, decadent struggle for survival where people are expendable, money is everything and war is a constant state of being.

Gaze upon the remnants of the lost civilisations such as the Yan Jung and the Talocan, picked clean by swarms of exploiting hackers and archaeologists fighting with pirates over scraps of out-dated technology!

Sneak along to the EVE gate itself and watch the unstable distortions tear apart any hapless pilot foolish enough to get too close. Watch out for those pirates swarming the gates on the way, just waiting to get at the contents of your ship.

Marvel at the ancient Amarr Empire and their rigid doctrines! Glorious golden battleships crewed by thousands of subjugated slaves always one injection away from an agonising death in the name of their Masters' God under the ready-made excuse of 'enlightenment'. The Empire boasts a vast sprawling mass of systems held together by feuding Holder Houses and ruled over by a God Emperor: a living relic of a bygone age sporting hypocrisy and inhumanity never before dreamed of all in the name of religion. Other places to visit in the locale include their neighbours the Khanid Kingdom, home to the followers of Khanid also called the heretic dark Amarr, where anyone at all is a potential slave and traders wheel and deal for the largest profit margins! Don't forget to stop by the Ammatar Mandate for that authentic war-torn tin pot regime propped up by their pupptemasters in the Amarr Empire as they fight the Minmatar, once their very own brothers!

Enjoy the vast morass of cultures to be found in the behemoth of bureaucracy that is the Gallente Federation, where wild excess and debauchery are the order of the day as they spout idealisms and equality across all frequencies. In the Federation, you're never more than a few steps away from a brothel or a drug warehouse, where life is cheap and corruption runs rife! Observe closely how the Intaki people are left to fend for themselves against the hordes of pirates and other ne'er do wells as the government hides behind excuses of semi-autonomy. If the thought of possible police turns you off, there's always the neighbouring region of the Syndicate to visit, run by the more shrewd Intaki: all of the black market and pirates with none of those pesky CONCORD!

Peruse the various corporate opportunities that the Caldari State has to offer as megaconglomerates engage in open black ops warfare to bring you, the consumer, the very best deals at literally cut-throat prices. Look on in awe as its obsessive militarism pours money into the Navy at a terrifying rate. Local customs include selling family members for cold, hard ISK and that xenophobic charm never wears off. Whatever you do, don't annoy your employer: the unemployed are the 3rd largest food source! Warning to any Minmatar thinking of travelling to the State, you may be arrested under suspicion of being Terrorists.

View the shambolic Republic: remnants of the once-proud Minmatar people before the arrival of the Amarr decimated their tribes, shattered their civilisation and tore away everything they had achieved! Listen to the rabid rantings of impassioned warriors clinging on desperately to the remains of lost tribal traditions. Hear the tales of hundreds of disenfranchised Matari fleeing to the Federation to drown their sorrows in drugs and alcohol! Witness the infighting between the Republicans and the Freedom Fighters (known outside of Minmatar space as Terrorists) that further destabilise the fragile situation. Don't forget to take a moment to fly past the shipyards where rusty plating and old rope are turned into kamikaze spaceships for pilots who live only to die in glorious battle.

No trip to New Eden would be complete without a visit to the mysterious Jovian Empire where genetic engineering has gone mad and technology reigns supreme. Keep an eye over your shoulder because they might be there watching you, learning all about you, hidden in the shadows no matter where you go...

Finally, the megastars of the galaxy are the capsuleer pilots. Media darlings viewed in awe and jealousy by billions upon billions, where one word can spawn a planet-wide riot and a lazy combat order can resign tens of thousands of crew to the cold death of space. Endless clones and daily genocide have turned many of this creme de la creme into psychotic deranged dangers to society and New Eden loves them for it! No matter how many die, there's always more people queueing up to fly with them, just so they can say 'I was the 3rd assistant reloading technician on xxx's Rupture-class Cruiser': if they survive they'll live off that story for a month!

So come and visit New Eden today: it's an experience you'll never forget!


Perhaps the next issue will cover the wonderful worlds of the various pirate conglomerates.

[[Hunchaan, Saila III]]

Ysolde sat down heavily in the chair outside the courtroom, rubbing her eyes and wishing there was a vending machine somewhere nearby. The weeks of legal wranglings were taking their toll on both herself and her cousin who was increasingly causing trouble with her exasperated outbursts.

The whole Sebiestor community was tense and relations with the Deteis of Hunchaan were at an all time low. Paranoia, increased censorship and secrecy and a heightened security forces presence only served to increase the growing rifts between the once close people. In her cynicism, Ysolde figured there was a deliberate element at play as the relations between State and Republic deteriorated.

A newsflash on a vidscreen at the end of the hallway caught her attention. There was shaky footage of minmatar ships attacking another vessesl and the fact that a local Caldari News Channel was doing a brief news article on this made her wonder what could possibly be so important. It was news of the Defiants and the Republic Fleet.

Stunned, she watched the replay of the incident and a brief summary of events, before the news broadcast moved on to the hour's stocks and shares. She didn't need to know any more, she already knew there would be uproar within the Minmatar factions. Undoubtedly the Ushra'Khan would be up in arms, Elsebeth would be taking the Republic's side and drawing NMTZ in, Midular's government would issue a press release defending the Fleet's actions and the Amarr would be sticking their noses in as always.

Ironically, it was the reactions of her own alliance that she couldn't predict. Most of all, her own feelings were muddied.
With an audible sigh, head in hands, she stared at the floor for a few moments. The vidscreen switched to a light Jazz program and the music permeated the hallway, almost in mockery.

Karshal had caused no end of headaches and trouble for the Republic. He'd stolen a Mothership and it's fleet, performed vigilant actions in breach of the CONCORD statutes, become an outspoken critic of the Republic and had joined in the crusade to tear apart the Amarr Empire. But he was a hero. He'd had enough of having his hands tied by a weak government, watching as more of his people were captured into slavery and incensed that his orders were to allow this to happen. He'd had enough and believed in his cause so strongly, he sacrificed absolutely everything for it. Karshal and the Defiants. Whilst officially Ysolde could not condone his actions, unofficially she respected his determination and spirit despite the troubles he'd caused them all. And for the Fleet to sabotage his clone (an all-too-convenient clone malfunction - the blunt sledgehammer of the intergalactic espionage toolkit)... "Idiots" she murmured.

"He deserves a hero's funeral, and will get a martyr's memorial."

Oh FFS

Well Ny and I are back home trying to sort out one hell of a mess with our community and the State. Seems the State is getting paranoid about having minmatar in it's borders. Don't want to go into detail but in an ironic way I'm glad the Caldari still have a taste for cold hard ISK and that what I consider to be broke these days is still several fortunes for the average planetbound citizen.

Don't know when I'll be back in my pod though. But having seen the absolute debacle that has been the alliance and the behaviour of a wodge of it's members in my abscence... Look I know having 4 sudden wardecs is harsh, and I know that a couple of corps were only with us temporarily for reasons of convenience, but really. Hissy fits, toys out of prams, accusations, arguments, angst...

And people wonder why I still reject a position of authority and responsibility.

Get a grip. Especially the people who likely won't ever read this. EM's survived this before and it'll survive it again. I hope we learn.

[[Christmas Doesn't Exist In New Eden...]]

Ysolde read over the comms pensively, mug of chai in hand. Her attempts to tutor her over-eager and under-experienced cousin were beginning to wear away and she'd fallen behind on the Alliance and general New Eden goings on.

GalNet was awful, as usual. The same mixture of old rhetoric trotted out weekly, accidental nonsensical misposts (that Karass Sayfo of the CRC has his work cut out for him), thinly-veiled flames and overblown posturing was tiresome and fruitless. Unfortunately it also gave a good insight into the state of affairs within the various factions of New Eden and thus needed to be read.

The joke that was Revan Neferis had died down a little, partly thanks to her sycophantic cronies entering into the circus surrounding Tomahawk Bliss. She'd heard the rhyming slang phrase 'taking the Tomahawk' and found it ever more appropriate with each post he made.
The usual death threats from the Caldari overloyalists had clamed for a bit, but they'd be back soon, and then there was that Rodj vs Meklon thread wherein -EM- raised it's public profile a little and PIE Inc took note.
She wondered when the CVA would bring it on.

The empty mug was placed down beside the screen and Ysolde rubbed her eyes. She needed a momentary break from the next item on the list.

There was news of the NMTZ war with the Merc corp TNT. The merc corp that contained a worryingly large number of former -EM-, now trigger happy and ISK-osessed: willing to kill absolutely anyone for a bit of an adrenaline rush or to feed an alcohol habit. Whilst others shouted about how traitorous they were, angry over the percieved betrayal, Ysolde felt only pity for them. Pity that they'd been reduced to pathetic junkies craving that next hit. There wouldn't be any hesitation to fire if they attacked -EM-.

Ysolde had had enough for now and flicked off the GalNet, instead browsing through the various Federation newsfeeds about other current events. There was a program that aired daily about the celebratory activities of New Eden's cultures, and today's short mentioned a festival that was celebrated thousands upon thousands of years ago during the winter season of the earliest recorded settlements. The Yuletide feasts were posited to be a way of driving back the bitter cold of the weather and bringing cheer and joy to the people struggling to survive. Later, it was combined with a celebration of economy and industry with extensive gift-giving and a goodwill-inspired boost to the fledgling planetary market economies.
There was evidence to suggest that in some cultures, this event was tied to the existance of a divine representative brought to lead the people - perhaps unified under a single corporate entity - and it certainly wasn't the Amarrian Emperor. Naturally, the Amarr had decried it as a godless heresy.
There was something about driving away the depression of a harsh seasonal environment, the hope that someone could lead people to a better existance and the celebrations and feasting that Ysolde appreciated. Faith and festivities - though run through the filter of corporate consumerism, or so the program reported.

Rummaging around in the drinks cabinet in her small lounge, Ysolde found a bottle of gluwinn. It was a traditional Matari recipie made of wines and spices and had been mentioned in the program as having been drunk hot with slices of naranj fruit.

A toast was made to an old festival that celebrated celebrating, and narked off the Amarr to boot.

Oh, the effort

It's taking all my resolve (and rum) to keep from telling the Amarr to Bring It on the GalNet right now...

For once, I don't mind answering my cousin's million-and-one annoying questions as a distraction!

Life continues apace in space.

S.O.A.P. phase one completed successfully. Those who know, know.

In other less cryptic news, I've been chatting to Nyneve and she's due to graduate in a couple of days. A couple of days! Where on earth has all the time gone? I know she was excelling in all of her second year piloting classes and that she'd be in the first batch of graduates this academic quarter, but even so! Her parents are flying out by Interbus to attend her graduation and I promised I'd go as well. It'll be nice to see my aunt and uncle again after all this time.

Anyway, I'm a little concerned about her. Where is the excitable, anxious, naive and innocent Nyneve? Now she's talking of tearing down the Empires and all the lies that prop them up. She's particularly vociferous in her verbal attacks on the Amarr empire, but she claims that the Republic and the Federation are little better in their complacency and so it is up to us capsule pilots (she uses the word 'us' even though she's not even qualified yet) to lead the way forwards in this new era. I can't tell if she's a wannabe freedom fighter or a confused posthumanist.
Was I like that when I graduated? I don't think so... I was more in awe at the vastness of New Eden. I wonder what holochannels she's been watching?
Still, I like her new hairstyle and she's willing to let me fit the first prototype of my new quantum monitor onto her ships.

I'm not sure what to call it, and haven't yet submitted a patent application which I suppose I should do soon, but the quantum monitor is the first experimental success I've had in applying the quantum waveform guiding prinicple. Initially, all it will do is simply register and filter out precise waveforms to monitor certain key changes in state in individual specified parts of the ship such as the camer drone interface and the propulsion monitors. Simple enough entanglement transmission will send this information to a reciever device but the clever part is that I've managed to finally find a use for all of those spare teraflops of processing power my Hoarder-class industrial ship has in using it to crunch through probability functions to decrypt the information. Why? Well when I said it would use simple enough entanglement, as the regular FTL systems do, I didn't mean a direct transmit because those are infinitely hackable. I meant going through a tenfold set of entanglements, modulated by sychronised waveform fluctuations.

For the non-rocket scientists out there, that means I'll be able to see what she sees and get the same kind of system readouts she gets without anyone else being able to nose in. If this works successfully, the next step will be to broaden the range of systems that can be monitored and introduce a communications loop whereby I we can talk to oneanother off the FTL system. The ultimate in information security I guess.
I'm not stupid and I can see potential abuse of this system if anyone else figures out how to operate it. It'll be clearing through the ship's AI to ensure no funny business, that could potentially disrupt the operation of the ship, occurs.

Maybe I'll be able to refine it to an extent that I can mount the reciever/decoder on a ship with less than a supercomputer for a brain.
I'll never understand why industrial ships were given such powerful AIs.

Venting

Just getting this off my chest to save exploding about it at an inopportune moment.

My GOD are EM a useless bunch of fucking whingers and bitches at the moment. I make a single line statement in a single comment flatly pointing out the COMPLETELY TIDE TURNING and GIANT GAPING FLAW in their million-rule uber-restrictive frigate tournament rules that basicalyl makes a complete mockery of the rules, and I'm the one who gets flamed as if I've been decrying it everywhere!

Did they not watch the inter-alliance tournaments? Did they not witness first had just how utterly devastatingly HUGE an advantage pirate implants are in a fight? To say any implants go but to then restrict the ships and modules to be used so heavily is a total waste of time. Give me a bog-standard, off-the shelf Rifter & kit and with a full set of Slaves and I'll mince anyone else in a faction-pimped Rifter.

Basically I've been slapped with 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' which, considering I can't even *think* of a nice way of putting "your entire premise is flawed", means I'm not going to be saying anything. They'd ratehr stick their fingers in their ears and go 'lalalala what problem? there are no problems!'

Funny, just like Midular's government...

I don't think I'm going to be showing up either at this rate. Already I know I'm being considered the primary target in the LTRAD team because of my reputation. I'm too busy working on my quantum theories to get enthusistic about hauling myself over to a completely farcical tournament setup after having been told off for attempting to point this out.

I'm sure I saw Lady Portia's Maller today so she's probably back from wherever her family lands are. Maybe she can fly instead. At this point I really couldn't care less about the fact she's not known for being a particularly good frigate pilot.